Following some links yesterday to view sites supposedly promoting activities for brain health, I came upon a game of tetris.
I'm not convinced playing it is good for MY brain health. I got lost playing it, spent time doing that instead of doing things on my To Do list yesterday. Spent time playing it when I should have been talking with RNB about our plans to build a barn/indoor combo building. I mean, REALLY! What are my priorities???
BIG SIGH
I do like a challenge, and I do like to distract myself when I'm already feeling overwhelmed with decisions and projects and loose ends. I finally closed the browser page with that game site so I could brush my teeth and get myself into sleep mode last evening. It was close to midnight.
I am having mild flashbacks to a time in my life when I spent hours and hours each evening and well into the morning hours, playing solitaire on the computer. Looking back I can see clearly what I was avoiding by such focussed and compulsive activity.
I know my life is better now, and I've worked hard to make it better. Why does a game like solitaire or tetris attract me today?
I recklessly am toying with the idea of finding that site again. Thinking foolishly that I can play one or two games and then go do something else.
If you don't hear from me for awhile, you can know that I'm steeping in the shame that follows such indulgences. But I'll be back. I know I will.
2 comments:
awww, no shame, Lasell. maybe you need to avoid. what would you do if your horse was avoiding? would you wait him out? would you take him a step closer to the task and then back to his safer place?
PLUS tetris is wonderful. all the pieces FIT. perfection is graspable. it is such an alluring little game. i think for me that when my life has a lot of chaos, i need little pieces that are controllable and finite. i so want all the pieces to fit in nice little slots, to have the little s shaped piece slide into place and complete the little t shaped piece with no gaps. alas, my own chaos won't fit neatly...
but again, treat yourself as you would treat your horse. give yourself compassion and patience and bring yourself a little closer to the task at hand and then let yourself rest...
Perfection is graspable. Interesting concept. Maybe that is exactly the allure. I am going to write more about this.
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