I started with the title "I belong outside" but the connotations of 'outside' reflect a former me, who only felt comfortable outside, on the outskirts of a close group, outside the norm, outside any perimeter within which I might have found what I was always seeking. Unable to tolerate the closeness that fosters intimacy and meets so many needs on so many levels. The closeness I so desperately wanted.
So I changed the word to 'outdoors'. THAT meaning of 'outside'. And that is all I meant by this.
After feeling mopey, depressed, discouraged, down, sad, tearful, et cetera, for the past few days, I went out to feed hay before heading out for my third Aikido class this evening, and discovered the snow had come off the barn roof. Emergency! Briefly complaining to myself, I took to shoveling it. Why the urgency? If I shovel it clear while the temps are still in the low 30s, it is sooo much easier than shoveling it after it has frozen hard -- a very likely event during the next 12 hours.
My heart rate went up, my muscles warmed, my mood lifted. How simple is that?
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