Routines and more

Someone wrote about their routine with their new horse, wondering about why the horse runs away unless she lures the horse with feed.

I asked, "Are you ever inclined to do something spontaneous, lively, and fun... with your horse?"

Novelty is an interesting concept. I know I can tend to be repetitious and predictable, and for sure that has value. If I never did the same thing around the horses, they would be on edge every time I showed up. I don't want them totally dull to my presence, nor do I want them on edge.

There is some flexible and changing middle ground. I'd like my horses to overall trust that I'm going to help them out if needed, but not to assume that they know all the time what specifically I'm going to do. Although I imagine from their point of view I'm pretty darned predictable.

This same person said sometimes she used grain to catch the horse but she knew that was a no-no.

My response:

I hope that as time goes on, you will feel more and more comfortable deciding for yourself what you want or don't want to do. There are really NO "no no"s with horses. What works is what works. Sure, you can get some great ideas from us other folks, but in truth, you have a unique relationship with your horse, and what works for you two is what works for you two, not what works for me or someone else. Well, of course there are some things that work for all of us, but not everything and certainly not all the time.

She went on to say she'd read an article that said she should make her horse run away when the horse showed signs of running away, so the horse would think running away was her idea and not the horse's.

My response:

Actually just the opposite is what seems to work for me -- set it up so she thinks that coming to you is HER idea. I'd leave the running away from you out of it. It might mean approaching her with great caution for awhile, sensing when she's thinking about leaving, before she leaves, and then backing off a bit (taking a few steps backwards, looking away, for example) and seeing if she can stay there and not act on her thought to leave.

I have a horse I love a lot, but her former owner used to make her move away when in fact he wanted to catch her. So she thinks when I show up, she should start moving away from me. At times when I've been really clear that I want her to stand and let me approach or that I want her to come toward me, well, she's fine with that except for some residual confusion about what people want -- you want me to run away, right? No? Are you sure you don't want me to run away?

This woman also shared her frustration when she goes to get a bucket of feed in order to catch her horse. My thoughts about that:

That frustration can get in the way of enjoying your time together! Then it gets complicated with her memory of how it feels to be near you... Have you noticed how horses will hang out with those who are most mellow? They like to feel good! So if a horse or a human is being pesty, annoying, uptight, etc., they ain't gonna want to hang there!

The writer went on to share her worries about getting into a dangerous situation being out among the larger herd where her horse lives. My response:

What a great opportunity to develop your clarity about what you want and from what horse. The horses are capable of understanding that you want that bay to stand there and those two chestnuts to back off a few steps and that grey to stand there while you walk through them on your way to your mare... Maybe not today but consider the possibility -- wouldn't it be fun to be that clear and have that much presence around the horses that they paid attention with interest and respect, not out of fear or disregard?

Then she spoke about how the mare is bad -- she raises her head when asked to canter or gallop. My response:

There are some simple exercises that you could do at the walk, and when it's really clear she understands and responds easily, then try them at a trot, and when it's good there, then try at the canter. Something like ride on a loose rein at the walk and pick up the left rein and gently ask for a left circle, and look/feel for her to give to that rein and that might look like her head lowers a bit, her body curves in the direction you've asked, her breathing gets fuller and calmer, she might sigh or lick and chew or gently blow air... Then ask with the other rein, nice and easy, and wait for her to respond with calmness and relaxation.

This will set the foundation for her to understand that when you pick up in that certain way with one rein, she can start a little bend/arc/circle and relax...

The writer told us that the previous owners rode this mare with a tie down and she has scars on her face from it. My comments:

Poor mare. I'm glad to hear you are trying to communicate through the reins in a way that doesn't require you to constrict and hurt her. It's her mind you want to influence! and if you keep that in mind (no pun intended), you'll find her starting to look for meaning when you ask for this or that. It may take longer with her because she's already confirmed in her expectations of people, but she can change, I assure you that.

She then described this mare as a cat on a hot tin roof, ready to blast off at the slightest request. Reportedly she hates to walk slow, prefers to do a very prancy walk. My response:

I'm not convinced any horse really PREFERS being wound up like that. You will come to be a very special person to her if you develop ways to help her relax around you. Some of this is easiest learned with a horsemanship coach/instructor right there, and any time you hire someone, be sure to interview them, get recommendations from folks you know and trust, watch the person train or ride or teach so that you know ahead of time you are comfortable entrusting YOUR learning process and your HORSE's learning process in that person's hands.

This writer ended by telling us she wants to help her become the horse she can be. This horse is eager to please and does most anything asked, with the exception of the issues mentioned above. My response:

Your good intentions are clear. Sometimes we humans have to spend time struggling to get something, to understand it better and become more effective with what we do. That struggle itself adds value to the answers we find. Remember that our horses go through the same process -- needing time and our patience to figure things out. She may be struggling a lot mentally as you seem to offer her something very different from what she came to expect from people. I wish you the best.

Teaching again

(From an entry started Sept 29th.)

I taught my first lesson today since I was injured. Well, first lesson outside of my teaching days (daze!) at High Horses Therapeutic Riding Program. Those days I would do my best to show up and perform my duties. I managed fine and found out how much help the volunteers can offer. I do miss being free to walk, trot, canter myself, and certainly miss riding!

I'm especially intent on adjusting my teaching style to meet the needs of my students. I think did OK today. I kept checking in about what I was doing and if it made sense and did the student want to try it now. This student preferred to watch and will experiment later without anyone watching. This is fine. I have no need to check if the ideas I presented are 'accurately' interpreted. Hopefully I have influenced this student in a way that enhances the horse/human relationships there at home. That is most important to me.

I do wonder about my need for feedback, for affirmation that what I offer is meaningful and making a difference. I see that things are working in some group lessons I do on a weekly basis. I can't decide whether it is a useful trait or not, that I tend to be oblivious to whether my sharing/teaching is benefitting others or not. I get lost in the moment, am very aware of how a horse is responding, but I'd like to have the same awareness and skills with people as with horses. A funny thing for me to say, as before I always considered my people skills superior to my horse skills.

Horses tend to be easy to read though. Not the same ability to cover some inner workings with sophisticated defenses as us humans have. I do keep remembering that when I perceive some barrier to receiving from me, I have that same tendency! And when I remember this, it gives me a chance to connect with the person rather than disconnect behind some judgments.

Horses, horses, horses!

Bo being ridden

This is from a few months ago. I should get some recent shots as he put on some weight this summer and looks just about pony-plump, and gorgeous of course. (Did I post this picture before?) I'm riding in a Torsion treeless saddle, it seems the best fit for Bo. I do not own a pony specific saddle and he would qualify for one. I am about 5'3" so you can judge the proportions and what he can carry. He is for sale to the right person. You can see the slack in my reins -- he was quick to understand the feel of the reins this way and this is the amount of contact I need with him most of the time. When he is paying attention, he will turn or stop with this much slack in the reins. I'm liking this a lot! And so is he.

Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty

This probably belongs on my farm blog but it is about the barn so that is about my relationship with horses. *g*

We have barn cats. Some we have purchased, some have been given to us, and some show up unannounced on their own accord.

For quite awhile I was aware that the dry cat food I leave out for our latest barn cat seems to be eaten faster than she could consume. So I assume we have visiting cats from nearby homes. I've seen some come and go. They are smart and know where the free lunches are!

The other evening I had my camera handy when one of the prettiest kitties I've ever seen was lurking around on the porch when RNB and I came home from dancing. What a fine and healthy looking kitty!




Ok, so it's not a kitty. I sure do think how soft it would feel to stroke its silky coat!

A few days after I took this picture, the dear thing was resting quietly in one of the have-a-heart traps we set out in hopes of diminishing the local rat population (we make ongoing trap and relocation efforts). This "kitty" is now relocated to an unidentified rural area. Interesting, just after I found the trapped kitty, I saw another gorgeous kitty slinking under the stairway to the hay loft! Wow, this kitty, also black and white, had a hugely wide white stripe. Oh so pretty! Nature is pretty amazing.

Anyway, I set out another trap, hoping to have the opportunity to relocate this other kitty and indeed, it has been trapped and set free elsewhere. I took pictures of this one while in the cage.




I love their claws!




Phew. All unwanted kitties gone from the barn. I'm still waiting for the lingering fragrance of some partial scent releases to dissipate. These sprays were not related to being trapped -- they happened before and had confirmed via my senses that indeed there were visitors in the barn!

How surprised was I to find the cat food dish knocked over on the floor again -- yikes! Sign of more of these kitties!! Do we have an entire family in residence?? I'm waiting for another black and white delight in my trap!

Riza now and then

Once upon a time, I bought two horses off the internet. They were considered PMU mares, on sale when many Canadian ranches lost their contracts with a big company that produces (not as much as before but still in the business) premarin, a hormone replacement derived from PREgnant MARes' urINe.

One of these mares is my Sofia, who in fact was a two year old filly when I got her. Destined to be bred in the spring as a coming three year old, she was already branded as is customary, but never was bred. From her intense heat displays, I would say she regrets the loss of that part of her former future job duties.

The other mare is Kelly, a then 10 year old Morgan-looking likely quarter horse pregnant mare. Riza (Thread of the Mill New Horizons) was her foal, born in Maine and sold after weaning to some folks who were looking forward to a lifetime relationship with this sweet youngster. I have heard that their horse farm dreams are greatly modified by the harsh realities of running a boarding facility, and are seeking to sell Riza, now three and ready for saddle training.

Where Kelly was super cautious about everything new and human, Riza is calm and accepting about everything. I am writing all this because perhaps someone who reads this blog is looking for a young, sane, even tempered well built quarter horse. She is described as great with being handled, sturdy built with a short back. She has been ponied on the trails and enjoys that. If I can help her connect with her next home, that would be sweet.


Kelly and day old Riza



Riza a little older



Riza recently as a three year old

I am grateful

I am grateful to have no broken bones.

I am grateful I did not blame the horse.

I wish like anything that I would follow my own advice.

Just yesterday I wrote a friend reminding her to keep an eye on being on the wrong side of a horse. What I meant by that was if you are standing next to a more fearful horse and beyond that horse is a more assertive horse, the more fearful one may collide with you while getting away from the more assertive horse.

Basic message: keep an eye on what is going on at all times.

I failed to do that today. OUCH!

The circumstances were a little different. I was letting horses out from one paddock into another paddock. Kacee went first and Rusty followed but stopped. What I failed to adequately register was that Bo was next in line for coming through the gate. When I touched Rusty to ask him to keep moving, he kicked. He kicked me. So fast I still cannot fathom that I have two separate injuries. What would I do differently next time? CHECK IN WITH EYE CONTACT BEFORE GETTING CLOSE ENOUGH TO TOUCH HIM.

I literally howled for about three minutes once I caught my breath, before I could move. I was assessing while I howled that I could indeed take deep breaths. No ribs broken. Bo and Sofia were concerned and hung out near me. Rusty and Kacee have weathered my emotions before and hardly looked up from the hay crib.

After I finished what I needed to do with the horses and went inside, I started shaking uncontrollably. And crying. And more howling. Incredible what the body will do when given permission. I let go of my thoughts about what happened and let my body have its say.

Soon enough I took Arnica, applied Traumeel, iced the injuries, palpated them, phoned RNB to tell him we would not be dancing this evening, and after more shaking and tears, bundled up in a down comforter and fell asleep.

Please, please, please -- pay attention when you are around horses.

I am so incredibly grateful I have no broken bones. Yes, this has made me change my plans for the day and perhaps for another few days, but I feel better than I did at noon, empty emotionally and solid though hurting physically.

More blending

The herd is blending more and more. I love going out and seeing Bo hanging out with Soli, and Sofia hanging out with Prince. What a change from 8-9 months ago when Bo arrived and was so incredibly worried about all the horses. Even a few months ago he was aggressively keeping Sofia way from the others, and running off anyone he could who ventured close. That did result in some missing hide when he and Rusty sparred over the mares. I have yet to see those two engaged in mutual grooming, but Rusty lets Bo hang with Kacee, and even when the two stud muffins come face to face with some alarm life coursing through their veins, it ends with a minimal squeal if even that. Quiet life here is a treat!

Soli, dear old Haflinger, continues to think his space includes my space, despite my obviously ineffectual but frequent efforts at changing his mind.

Rusty and I have enjoyed some trail ride times, and Kacee and I are building toward that freedom to go anywhere that I'm finding with Rusty these days. This is why I have horses -- to go enjoy a trail ride!

My fall schedule is getting settled enough so I can ride more predictably again. I used to feel ambivalent about how much I rode because so many rides were quasi torture! Now that they are enjoyable adventures, I miss it when I go a few days without riding.

I'm teaching more this fall than before. My commitment to High Horses covers much of two days now -- one day for therapeutic riding lessons, and one day for teaching able bodied volunteers in the Horse Exercise Program. I love both aspects of my work there -- the mix of focusing on the special needs of the riders, and focusing on the special needs of the horses.

Another clinic with Joe and Rusty

Three days with Joe Wolter and horses and friends here in Vermont. Wonderful weather. And I got what I wanted: confidence in my ability to go for a trail ride alone with Rusty.

The little things I've heard over and over, fell into place. If the horse is worried, help him get away. That was a breakthrough for me. Experiencing what that "help him get away" is in actuality. Feeling the first moment of "horse is worried." Putting those together with my overall take from this clinic, and there we were, out in the woods and across fields and through the creek, together and having fun.

Overall meaningful concept from the clinic: a new meaning for 'release him for the thought'. Set it up so he finds zero pressure when he gets with your idea. So it is not just about placing the feet and arranging the body that will bring him release from pressure. It is not just about changing his emotional state that will bring him release from pressure. It is about all of it -- his mind, his listening, his readiness, his body -- all of it ready and there with you, on the edge waiting to go or stop, that is where he finds zero pressure.

I am so pleased to have had enough help over the weekend and over the summer and over this past year and over these past ten years, to have gotten to where I am today.

Rusty was at the clinic with me. I gained confidence in my ability to bring him back to me when his mind went phalooey off some place else. And I was present and aware to give him release for settling back and being available with me again. This morning I rode Kacee and used the same finer-tuned skills and awareness for our trail ride. Not just out there and back, but doing things along the way to invite her back to me when she mentally drifted.

Sunday while others worked on this and that in the ring, I prepared to head out alone with Rusty for a trail ride. I can still hear Joe: "Just go ride!"

Rusty and his mouth

Rusty has been particular about his mouth. With his need to have his teeth floated and my commitment to developing understanding and cooperation rather than using sedation and restraints, several unproductive visits from the equine floater left us all wondering if this visit would be successful or not.

Things I had done to prepare Rusty:

1) My fingers in his mouth, frequently to rub gums, touch tongue, scrape plague off his canine teeth with my finger nails.

2) Other people's fingers in his mouth -- I involved two friends in the past few months.

3) Foreign object in his mouth:
a) bits -- I've worked at my timing and feel so the bridling process goes better.
b) toothbrush -- using the soft bristles to rub his gums, and using the rubber handle to explore up where his molars are and let him chew if he wants.
c) old floating rasp, borrowed from a friend, dipped in applesauce at first then molasses.

James Cormier Jr. came on Saturday morning. Unfortunately, our two horses that need floating the most are the two most reluctant when it comes to foreign objects in their mouths. He started with Sofia and made progress but not enough to actually float her teeth. He has done her teeth in the past, and since then I needed to have her wolf teeth surgically removed by the vet because their size prevented him from accessing her teeth. I had that done last month. James and I talked for awhile about how frustrating it is for him as he does have a wonderful feel and willingness to experiment in order to get connected with a horse and gain their trust. He floats without speculum or sedatives, so trust and cooperation are key to safety of all and the success of his doing a good job. Yet he comes to my farm and encounters two horses he cannot connect with out of thousands he can.

So second we try Rusty. We were, by prior decision, in the arena where either horse would not feel boxed in and could back up as far as they wanted in the process of checking out their options. Rusty pulled his head away. Rusty backed up. Rusty twisted his head away. Rusty threw his head around some more. It looked like prior visits even though I'd done considerable preparation in hopes of this going well.

I was about to suggest to James that he use a stern voice and tell Rusty to "cut it out" -- something that had worked for me at times -- just as James stepped back from Rusty and threw his hands out and up in a stance of pleading, and said in a very loud, very certain voice: Rusty, I have to do your teeth!

James took yet another deep breath and walked up to Rusty, put his rasp into Rusty's mouth, and proceeded to float his teeth while Rusty lowered his head and stood there.

James was floored. He was ecstatic. He grinned from ear to ear as he progressed with all the rasping that was needed, occasionally stopping to look over to me, shake his head, and say "I can't believe this!"

We may never know what really happened, but I'm guessing that when James got 100% adamantly clear about the need to do this, Rusty understood, no ifs, ands, or buts, it was time for his teeth to be done. And that was that.

It probably helped that I had brought some new, tasty experiences to his memory bank of what happens when people put foreign objects into his mouth. No, James did not sweeten his floating tools, but indeed Rusty's conviction about stuff in his mouth was changed from what I'd done the prior few days.

James is coming back in a few days to try Sofia again. I'm not proud. I'm not stubborn about my preference not to use sweets to engage a horse's cooperation. I am clear that I am introducing a pleasant experience in her mouth and offering her the opportunity to think differently. I know exactly when she made up her mind that people should not put foreign objects in her mouth and can forever regret allowing someone else to use some force to dose her. I hope to report in a few days that she successfully opened her mind (and her mouth) to the possibility that it could be a neutral if not pleasant experience for her to allow the floating to happen.

Softness

Softness is on my mind a lot recently. I question if I could write a few sentences or a few books and sufficiently describe what I am talking about in a way that someone else would get it through the words, versus if we were in the same room or the same barn and we could play around with it. I acknowledge Kathleen Lindley's influence via her book, In the Company of Horses: A Year on the Road with Horseman Mark Rashid,

But a few words I'll try anyway, and maybe it will encourage others to think about this important topic.

First of all, I need to be the one OFFERING softness before I even think about looking for it, asking for it, recognizing it! in the horse. That means I'm on constant self monitoring to be the most soft I can be right now, and then again right now, and then again, right now. On into infinity.

Secondly -- and this is not a sequential 'secondly' though it could be -- I consider softness a thing of the mind. Yes, we look to FEEL softness through our senses, but it starts long before our bodies do anything.

Sometimes it's easiest for me to think of softness as the quality of responsiveness between me and another being. So if I'm intent on discerning if my horse is soft right now, I would be attending to his response to my request. When my request is met by his response (not his reaction), we are soft together. It's not really experienced as me and him, it's experienced as us with perhaps me the leader (like a dance partner is a leader, NOT like a dictator is a leader or a boss is a leader). Softness is a readiness to be together with oneself and with another at the same time. A readiness AND the being together, either one and both aspects.

The concept of 'picking up a soft feel' in my mind is a way to invite a horse to be thinking about being soft with us. That might be the preparation for softness between us. But when the softness is present, there is no need to pick up a soft feel, because the softness is there when I use my mind and/or my body to convey a request to my attentive and responsive horse.

I am trying out these words today. I recently spent a weekend with two of my horses under the tutelage of Joe Wolter. Softness -- although he doesn't use that term regularly -- was exactly what we were wanting -- or having -- depending on any horse and rider combo.

Leading, following

RNB and I enjoy dancing. Recently we went to a "Mostly Waltz" evening of dancing. An instructor was there who started with the basics, including everyone learning both the leading and the following roles of a few basic waltz patterns. I took the opportunity to switch roles with RNB for a dance, and then practice leading as well as 'enjoy' my usual following role.

I was especially struck by these words of instruction (hmm, is that where the word "instructor" comes from?):

It is the responsibility of the leader to lead in a way that the follower needs to be led.

Why did this strike me so profoundly? Several reasons, one of which is that this applies to my horsemanship. It does not work if I am leading in a way that suits me but doesn't suit the horse.

I was surprised how hard it was to lead RNB in a way that he needed me to lead him. I wanted to lead how I wanted to lead -- actually to lead how I wanted to be led. That didn't work for him. It left him feeling frustrated, confused, and uncertain about how to follow. I sorted through my reactions to this -- including 'boy, this isn't any fun to lead him this way' and other angry and frustrated thoughts before I 'got it' -- and adjusted what I was doing so he felt good with my leading style. This did change and progress to something that felt closer to how I would lead if left to my own devises. I would hope that if we danced in reverse roles more often, we would come to an understanding of my leading cues that would allow much softer cues -- more response to intention -- than our achievement the other evening.

It very much reminded me of riding different horses. Naturally, I have my favorites and now can see that my preferences are based on being able to 'lead' in the style that comes most comfortably to me. I have had to develop flexibility in my leading/handling/riding styles in order to suit the various horses I handle and ride. Effort! Awareness! 'Work'!

And that amount of work sets the foundation for less work. The understanding between two beings develops over time so the messages from one are received and effectively put into appropriate action with less and less effort, with more and more subtlety.

Meanwhile, from all I've questioned, it is a prevalent gender difference that shows up around horses: women are culturally trained to be superb followers and struggle to grow into the leadership role. And horses need good leadership.

Another Bo update

This little fellow continues to amaze me. I don't know when or why this happened, but he has pretty much stopped his protective, aggressive behavior around Sofia and the rest of the horses.

Not completely, as he arched and squealed a couple of times when I rode Rusty near where he and Sofia were snoozing in the shade yesterday morning, but it was minor.

Then last evening I watched while Sofia and Prince grazed together in another part of the field from where Bo was grazing, rolling, and carrying on as a normal horse.

Sure is pleasant to see. Do I test this with some assumption that his behavior would generalize to other settings?

Show Time

I seldom show. Yesterday I did despite ambivalence galore.

It was a small show, advertised as a schooling show. Although I knew it would be small and low pressure, I felt pressure as I prepared.

I worried because I did not have the proper attire. I worried because I want to be seen as someone competent and with something special in the relationships with my horses. I worried because I anticipate being harshly judged. I worried because I did not know how things would go in a setting where I expected to have more control than I usually expect.

I took my two Morgans. They were ambivalent about loading in the trailer. Well, that is not true. They were ambivalent about staying in the trailer -- they both loaded fine!

I was uncertain which horse I would ride in which division of classes. They both qualify for "green horse" division having been shown less than two years. Last year was Rusty's first horse show. Saturday was Kacee's first. Although I quickly regretted my decision, I rode Kacee in the green horse division, and Rusty in the adult division. Why did I regret it? Rusty acted more like a green horse than Kacee. That should not have been any surprise however I was thinking about last year's show and how calm and responsive Rusty was ... then. I forgot about feeling of right now!

After about ten minutes there, I really connected with my intention to consider this experience some enjoyable time with my horses. And that is what it was. Yes, I had moments of "oy vey", but they were few, shallow, and short lived. The show staff and the judge, people I know from other venues, were casual, friendly, and supportive. So were the other competitors, and that is hardly the right word for the other folks there showing.

What I learned is that I let my horses make a lot of choices in general, and when it came time for me to make some choices, they were remarkably able to come through with what I asked. Rusty was not able to maintain what I asked -- such as coming off my inside leg/outside rein at walk, trot, or canter and staying where we got to (I am not a rider who will hold my horse someplace -- I want him to find it and choose it). He really surprised me when he responded to my request to come upright around a corner in the canter where he was leaning way into the curve. He came upright in a heart beat -- what a different feeling to make that turn with that balance! So now I know I can ask that of him.

My learning comes in unusual ways. I suppose if I worked regularly with a teacher who coached me in these things, I might find them quicker and the disconnected ways of traveling might last a shorter time. But indeed we do find them, and once I have experienced a more fluid feeling as we travel, I will look for it, ask for it, find it. I know my horses can give it to me.

Kacee delighted me thoroughly with her cantering! New mindset? New saddle? New rider mindset? Who knows. But it was a controlled and sitable canter, and she got the correct lead right away in both directions.

There is so little I understand about these things. I mean, why exactly would I be so surprised by her good performance? *sigh*

So, during the course of the show, I mounted and dismounted over and over as I traded horses, taking off the half chaps, putting them back on. I rode Kacee in dressage saddle and Rusty in western saddle. I had planned to change into riding britches for the dressage saddle but never had time as the classes were back to back, alternating between green horse and adult classes: pleasure, equitation, trail.

I am glad I went.

I imagine if I were more focused in my "training" and/or more willing to use force (harsher bit and spurs for example) to get a certain consistency in performance I would have horses that 'looked' better on the outside (I am comparing to the performance of the other horses and riders there). I feel pretty darned good that my horses looked fine and more important to me, they felt pretty darned good on the inside. It felt good as well that I held true to my principles and rode on a slack rein all the time unless I needed to take the slack out to get a response to a request.

A trail ride with friends

It has been a long time since I loaded up one of our horses and joined a friend for a trail ride. I did this today.

I was a little nervous before we got started, with fleeting images of past rides when I felt the need to be firm to keep us out of trouble. I worried that the progress I have made and the increased softness and responsiveness that Rusty has made would fly out the window. But heading out with one other rider and one other horse -- ones with whom we have ridden before and are sympatico regarding horsemanship -- seemed like a good opportunity to enjoy a ride.

Indeed we did enjoy a ride.

I was pleased how well it went. Rusty was responsive, forward, interested in our surroundings, mostly respectful to the other horse. He wanted to chew on his rump but I used the same 'liven up to urge him to think about something else' approach to dealing with this as I've been using at home and it worked well, and allowed me to redirect his mind without involving the reins.

We rode for 1 1/2 hours, took about a 1/2 hour water and lunch break, and rode for another hour. Up hill, down hill, through woods, along dirt roads, along a very overgrown and unmaintained roadway, over some water, and through a field. Light wind, air temps about 70 -- ideal!

This informs one of my earlier wonderings: How would what I was doing at home with my horses translate to other settings?

It translates nicely!

Beyond the push and the pull

Because I CAN push and pull my horse, FINALLY! I have found I really, really, really don't want to do that at all. Because I have had a taste of the sliding gliding feeling of my horse taking me someplace, even someplace I want to go, I really, really, really do want to have that feeling all the time. Or as much as I can.

I have ridden plenty of horses who will go where I want them to without much fuss, and perhaps without a tremendous amount of enthusiasm either. Horses who will go as long as I keep asking them to go unless they are pulled along by the forward energy of another horse.

I really don't know how what I'm doing will come out in the end. I know how I want it to feel to both of us. I know that right now in my horsemanship (this day, this week, maybe this month?) I am doing this experimenting in baby steps. All these letting-the-horse-decide moments are because my horses have not been able to decide much at all without getting into trouble, and they have a whole lot of unanswered questions about going here and going there. So on some level I am saying, 'OK, I'm with you, show me where you want to go, and show me again where you want to go.' And I myself am enjoying what they are showing me. Some times it's a small circle near the barn door. I know at some point they will no longer want to go in a small circle near the barn door. I have faith they will think of something else to do.

Meanwhile I am going slowly through this so I do not succumb to the temptation to act on those pressured feelings accompanied with thoughts like 'heavens to mergatroid, isn't there something else you want to do?' I have come to recognize that my horses KNOW when I'm criticizing their choices.

And I want them to KNOW what it's like to be with me when I'm NOT being critical of their choices, their needs, their wants, their urges, whatever. When I am being present and supportive.

And yes, I don't stop there, but I do wait until they have gone through all the options they are attached to before I ask 'can we go this way now?' and if they are really ready, it weighs nothing on the rein, no leg or seat is needed to urge them anywhere, and they go -- they take me off in that direction sometimes with more enthusiasm than I expected. 'FAR OUT!' I say to myself.

This is the particular way I'm exploring how to wait patiently while the horse makes some choices when I'm riding. Similar mindset on my part to when I'm waiting for the horse to make the choice to come hang with me in the round pen. I might be adding some pressure to 'search' or 'put a little more effort into this' but otherwise NO PUSH, NO PULL. Just watching and waiting. It really is quite fascinating what each horse will think to do when allowed to think and do!

Defenses and Transitions

I'm constantly blown away by the things people do to protect themselves.

With horses, defensiveness is usually very clear: swing head, pin ears, swish tail, walk away, strike out, kick out, run away, any of the above. (Some less clear defensiveness also occurs with withdrawal, dissociation, and avoidance.)

With people -- oh my -- the ways we can project messages to 'keep your distance' are beyond counting.

Lately I've discovered a new layer in myself.

I've known this about myself: I don't like transitions, especially sudden ones that have not been predicted for me. I'm better than I used to be in many circumstances. But still I can get cranky quickly when someone expects something of me right now that I wasn't told about ahead of time, or when someone changes the plans without communicating successfully and early (!).

Dear RNB -- he often gets the brunt of my crankiness. However, he also often gets the benefit of the new, improved me once I've worked through something deep and haunting to my psyche.

Some connections between my current behavior and my past relationships were revealed to me recently. Some happened on their own, and some via a conscious dialogue process we do called Imago Dialogue. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt talk about how the dialogue process allows the un-languaged to become languaged. To paraphrase that, this process brings the unconsicous to consciousness, and the benefit of that is that we can change what we know, not what we don't know.

What I uncovered was the sorrow and loneliness of childhood around my dear mother who was not consistently present and taking care of the needs of her children. It wasn't just me, this I know. But my memories and how my early relationships molded my defenses is very personal. My siblings would have their own discoveries and uncoveries to explore and share.

The presence and disappearance of her attention, support, interest, and nurturance were out of my control. The loss after the wholeness became unbearable to me, so I closed off some of my presence and availability. I withdrew into what seemed like a safe place, a slightly detached, numb, protected way of being. To an extent, some dissociation became my lifestyle, my norm. I functioned fine according to others, yet lived with a gap between the full enthusiasm we humans are designed to live in, and the level of social connectedness I could tolerate.

Within the growing safety of my relationship with RNB, I am finding places where my defenses don't feel right. I want now to be open and allowing of deeper interactions. Yet in real life here and now, there are inconsistencies in our ability to be present and attentive with each other. But do I still have to retreat and act on this strong feeling to protect myself from him when I start noticing the moments when he is less present than he was yesterday or last month? No, I do not. I do not even want to be keeping track of those disconnects. In fact, I do not want to disconnect when these happen. It is not his fault and he has not caused my feeling disconnected. It is left over from my childhood, when that disconnect and dissociation helped me survive something I had no words for, and no way to seek reassurance or comfort when I felt that way.

Today I do have words, and I can get reassurance and comfort when those old feelings are triggered by some innocent events of the now. Today with awareness, I have choices. Today I can choose to stop when I feel a defensive feeling arising, breathe, breathe again, and seek to stayed connected, starting with myself, and extending that offer of connectedness to RNB, to my horses, to my friends... The impact of my consciously relinquishing the power of my defenses has already amazed me, and will continue to enrich all my relationships. May I suggest you try this yourself?

Velvet

I spent a few hours recently with my friend, Gloria, and her young mare, Velvet. Gloria asked me to write out some of my observations to help her recall what went on during that time. Here are those thoughts pretty much as I wrote them to her.

One of your 'wants' was to see me ride Velvet. I knew I wanted to go through some assessment/get connected time together with her before I decided whether it would feel safe and right to mount her. That assessment would give me (and did give me) a sense of how attentive and responsive and understanding of my requests she might be.

In the round pen at liberty... what does she do and how does she do it when I ask her to do something with me?

Key thing to think about, be aware of: is she with me, are we connected and feeling good together? All my efforts are to build a good feeling between us that she can trust and will look for. A good feeling as the foundation of all of our interactions.

Can we walk off together? Can we stop together. Can we trot together? Can we turn left or right together? Can she walk off from me when I request but still stay mentally connected? Can she speed up without getting worried?

Sometimes Velvet got stuck and when she got stuck, it took more effort on my part to effect a change (halt to walk for example, or walk to trot) and when she made the change it was faster or quicker, had some worry and hurry involved. When she was present and responsive to my requests, her transitions were smooth and effortless.

You and I talked about her history and the sense that she coped (and still copes) by dissociating, by spacing out. Then she is very "spooky" or startles when she's coming back to the here and now. So, if she reacts with some hurried movement when I've gotten bigger or firmer in my request because she didn't respond to my more subtle requests, her spooky actions are due to her surprise, her startledness upon returning to here and now -- perhaps simply that surprise, or perhaps surprise plus fear that she's about to get punished or bullied or whatever it was that has left her wanting to 'go away' mentally from the present. So, doing things to invite her here, even insist that she come here (here means the present mentally and emotionally, not a specific physical location) are not what causes her reactions (though they could if timing or degree of firmness were off) but her own inside worries are what causes her reactions.

Greeting her with warmth, reassurance, quietness inside when she comes through these places will help build the foundation of 'it feels good together' for her. She will always have her memories, but she will more and more be able to recall and rely on memories that feel good.

We talked about the timing of reassuring her. When you reassure her while she is worried, she will understand that being worried is a wanted condition, an emotional state that we value. If you think thoughts like 'you can make it, you can find a feeling place that feels better' while you ask and/or wait for change, then reassure her when you see her soften (eye, mouth, breathing, etc.) that will let her know that searching and finding her way to a change is what is wanted.

She was a little worried about the saddling and would stand for it but I asked her to move a little. Actually I think this was just with the saddle pad. I would rather a horse show me how bad they feel than have them stand there and stuff it. Stuffing bad feelings leads to explosions of smaller or greater degree. If it feels like the horse is a little worried with a saddle pad for example, I will ask her to walk off. So often, once a horse knows she can leave, that she has a choice, then she will stay. Velvet was certainly within the emotional range of being able to think things through, never hit a panic mode. From what you say, you can take credit for that because you've already helped her feel OK enough to keep her mind engaged to some degree even when she's worried about something. Very important!

Her understanding and responsiveness to my leg and rein aids when mounted improved. I did not try to keep her moving once I had asked for a walk and she answered with a walk. If she stopped, I just asked again. Lots of opportunities to ask for walk and for her to respond with walk. Sometimes it took a LOT of energy from me before she would walk. It felt like she got stuck and didn't know how to get out of the bad feeling place, didn't know what she could do to stop the pressure from my leg aids. She started to understand that. I tried each and every time to ask with the lightest of request that I could imagine (the thought to walk!) then follow up with stronger requests until she made some effort to walk. At first it might be just the feeling that she was considering to walk. I want her to understand my release means 'yes' or 'good try', and that will help her keep trying regardless of whether she comes up with the right answer. She first needs to feel confident that it's OK to try, and that trying is actually something that feels good to us both, and then once that is established, I might start giving her feedback sooner about 'yes good try' or 'yes good try but try again'.

Like with ground work, when Velvet was stuck standing still, when she did finally move it had more energy and awkwardness than when she moved off without first being stuck. On some level I don't care at all WHY she is stuck or WHAT is her history, I really care about the present experiences feeling good, or better put: I really care that she believes from her own experience that we can feel good together and she will do her best to try to find how to find that good feeling place when it's missing.

Before I saddled and rode her, I did the changing eyes exercise as it is often called. That was when I took the lead rope around the far side of her body and invited her to find her way off the pressure. This exercise to me is much more than getting comfortable changing eyes. Changing eyes is what a horse does when we or any object moves from the field of vision of one eye to the other eye. Their brains take in info from their eyes differently than ours do, not in the integrated manner that humans have.

I'll attempt to describe this exercise which can and should be done from each side. If I am on the left, I stand at the neck and take the extra long lead rope (12-20' long) and either take it over the face and head or under the neck so it is on the far side and hold it draped over the withers. (If at any point the horse is worried about the feel of the rope or the sight of the rope, do not proceed until the horse is OK with this.) Then I will slide or lightly toss the rope further and further back until it drops over the rump and rests lightly above the hocks. It may well fall to the ground so hopefully I've previously done something to help the horse feel comfortable with ropes dangling around the hind legs and feet. Then I will lift slightly, taking some slack out of the lead rope, and see what the horse does. Ideally, the horse will follow the feel of the lead rope on the halter, as if I am using my right rein in this situation, and turn to the right keeping slack in the rope and rearrange her body coming around to the right in a small graceful fashion, at which point I will turn away and walk off with her following me.

Velvet got stuck going to the left. She figured out going to the right pretty quickly.

When a horse gets stuck, I like to wait as much as possible, increasing the pressure on the lead rope only if I get the sense the horse has stopped thinking about the puzzle, about the bind she is in. Then I might 'help' by increasing the pressure in order to encourage some more searching for the answer, and/or I might change my body position moving further to her hindquarters, even behind her to her right side so she can connect the pressure with the visual of my body there on the right side of her which might be familiar from previously being led in a circle or lunged. But I do want her to eventually show me she understands how to think this through without worry, and show me she understands how to follow the slack as if it were my rein.

I do not want to pull on the reins or the lead rope. I want to help educate the horse to keep slack in the reins or the lead rope, so if the horse starts to feel the slack going out (picture I start to walk someplace with lead rope in my hand while she's standing still), she will rearrange her body in order to keep the slack in the lead rope or rein.

This is what comes out right now without much editing or re-reading. I should mention something about how to deal with herd bound issues, or in this case, it was Gloria bound. Once she understands to walk when asked, encourage her gently to move when she is thinking about coming to hang out near you, or the barn, or another horse, until she herself chooses to move away rather than toward you... I think I wrote more extensively about this recently while describing some experimenting I was doing with Rusty and Kacee here at home.

Vet here for Sofia

I wrote this last week, intending to include a photo of Sofia's extracted wolf teeth. I lost one of the teeth and have not yet taken a photo, so am publishing this now sans pic.

I have a slew of vets involved with our animal care. Usually AK does the routine stuff for all the outside animals but the birds (horses, cows, sheep, goats). RVV in town does the cats and when we've had a dog, the dog. PA, a few hours away, I use for a wholistic approach with the cats, and recently I used HH for chiropractic and acupuncture for the horses. Today I had KG here on HH's recommendation that I get x-rays of her injured foot, plus AK's recommendation that KG pull Sofia's wolf teeth.

It all went remarkably well. Sofia got points for being so laid back and cooperative. She almost lost those points during the teeth extraction but she contained her disdain adequately and the procedure went more smoothly than anyone expected.

KG did a lameness assessment first (this is followup care for the puncture wound a few months back) and suggested blocking her lower limb to isolate if the lameness is from her hoof injury or something further up her hind leg. The block did leave her trotting out without any lameness so that was nicely definitive. We proceeded with x-rays and I will hear about them perhaps as soon as this evening. If they show nothing -- which is likely because they would reveal bone damage and not soft tissue damage -- my next option is to have an MRI on her foot. I will consider that if I'm told that some specific treatment would be her only possibility to regain full soundness, and that could be determined only by an MRI.

After the x-rays came the teeth extractions. First the sedative. Wow, Sofia went dopey quickly! Then the mouth speculum which was a new experience for her. The sedation helped her be pretty nonchalant about that. Then nerve blocks in her mouth, followed by a tool that pushes back the gum tissue around the tooth, then the tool that she uses to grasp the tooth and wiggle and rock it back and forth to loosen it. From the size of the teeth, KG expected quite an ordeal, however she was pleasantly surprised each time a tooth popped out without much effort. Well, I can say that because I was not the one exerting myself in this weather we've been having!

Sofia is now nodding off in her stall, recovering from the sedation. I'm grateful this is over and hopeful the x-rays show nothing abnormal in the bones of her right hind foot.

What's up for the rest of the day? Our hay man stopped by this morning and asked me to show up at 12:30 with truck and trailer to pick up hay he's baling right now. RNB has suggested today is as good as any day to go trade in the station wagon for a smaller station wagon. And I'm planning on attending as a student this afternoon's Advanced Sidewalker Training at High Horses where my roles usually include teaching riding lessons, teaching volunteers, and consulting with horse training needs. With the temperatures heading to the mid-90s, I won't miss riding today.

Eyes closed for better feel

Yesterday I experimented with my friend's suggestion (thank you GS!) about closing my eyes to develop the feel for when the horse's thought is coming through in response to my rein.

I did this on Kacee in the midst of that experimenting I described in "Excited". She was taking me down the road at a nice walk and I closed my eyes and rode her. I was quiet inside and could use my other senses for direction and safety. Hearing told me if traffic was coming (and I opened my eyes for those moments) and hearing told me if we were on the pavement or the shoulder. Heat and light sensitivity told me what direction we were going as the sun was in a mid afternoon position at about 10 o'clock looking down from above with 12 being straight ahead of us. Kinesthetic feelings told me when she was 'straight'.

I felt it right away. Should I be embarrassed to report it was so easy, easier to feel with my eyes closed than to see with my eyes? Gulp. Back to Sally Swift's 'soft eyes' concept -- new meaning or new level of meaning for me. What I see with my eyes needs to be way down the list of senses I am attending to. I mean way down.

And asking for a change when Kacee veered -- and yes, her veering feels different from what it had been looking like, or maybe I can feel her veering sooner than I can see her veering? -- brought a soft response from her, and my release was right there with her response, not a second too soon or too late. How do I know? Kacee stayed soft and forward -- clearly my communications with her did not interrupt our flow.

Today is another day. I'm going to play around with this more. [Note: I already did, as reported in "Excited".] Maybe Rusty today. He is different, much more apt to be set in his patterns of thought about what worked before. But he made nice changes last time I rode him. I have to monitor myself more closely with him because I have been able to push him out onto a trail ride, whereas I've not been able to do that with Kacee. Kacee will not be pushed, period, end of story! Sounds like someone I know...

Excited!

I had the best ride ever yesterday!

I was with Kacee, and started by just asking her to make the choice to keep walking (by letting her stop if she chose, then asking again for a walk) and I let her take me wherever she wanted. It was much sooner than before that she started exploring places to go other than barn, gate, chicken pen, barn, gate, goat pen, gate, barn, peacock pen, gate, peacock pen, barn... and so on.*

My responsibility (I set this up myself, needing clear rules for my experiment's sake) was no push, no pull. Ok, I know it's best to define things in the positive, but I don't have simple words or phrases yet that would describe what I'm talking about. But, don't we all know what it is to use the legs to ask or even demand a horse to go? Don't we all know what it is to use one or two reins to pull a horse into a turn or pull a horse to a stop?

An example of what I'm pursuing is what I'm looking for when I pick up on an otherwise totally slack rein. What I mean by 'pick up' is lifting up and out either right hand/rein or left hand/rein about 2-3" (and eventually it will be much less**). When I pick up, either my horse comes along with the idea of turning without my taking any more slack whatsoever and finds the full release again, or I ask the horse to hurry a little and I wait until somewhere at some time the horse comes off that minute amount of "pressure", which truly is a miniscule asking on my part. The pressure the horse feels is that of the request, not pressure of the aid. This starts to work after spending enough time (whatever that takes for the individual horse and individual rider) of riding with zero pressure -- zero use of seat, leg, or rein aids -- except when asking the horse to 'keep trying', 'look for something else', or 'a little more effort please'.

Am I making any sense? I doubt I could have understood a word I was saying if I hadn't heard it and seen it hundreds of times before, and finally the pieces of the puzzle are sinking in. Libby Lyman, my thoughtful, insightful, enthusiastic, and generous friend/horsemanship colleague/mentor has been a crucial help with putting into words for me things we have both watched done over the years by a few specific horsemen. She has put into language her new experiences, and I have prioritized learning this next piece of my horsemanship puzzle, and here I am today with a big hurray and all this excitement stuff!

Back to yesterday with Kacee. I did carry on at the walk without asking anything of her more than the 'keep trying/look for something else', waiting some time before I even felt she might succeed at coming along with my idea. I wanted us to be successful with this. When I felt her starting to think about heading further up the drive, I asked if she was ready to take me there. Sometimes she wasn't, sometimes she was. I had to do this in slow motion until I could see and feel her at a level I've never before perceived.

Somewhere in all this it felt like we were connected enough and I trusted my consistency with sticking to my rules and she felt trusting that I was sticking to my rules, ie, I was offering her the choice to say yes or no and was not going to suddenly say, ok, enough already, let's just go down the drive (push, push, pressure, pressure, using aids to close doors and limit her choices).

So I felt confident that I was doing something that made sense to her and she was breathing well and feeling confident and walking out freely, not sucked back. I brought this up to the trot. I didn't keep her in the trot, and if she came back to the walk, I just asked for the trot again. I'd ridden up and down the rather steep but short inclines off to the side of the barn enough times to know she knew her footing and to know I knew we were fine trotting or cantering down the slope with her slamming on the brakes at the gate at the bottom of the slope, or doing a quick 180 and heading back up again.

Here and there I asked, 'can we go this way?' and more and more she said 'yes' but maybe only a few steps. When she stopped, I asked for go again but without telling her where. That was her choice as long as she had any drag in the rein at all. I wanted no drag. I wanted forward and eager coming from her, not coming from 'because I have to'.

And then she took me further, at the trot, and back towards the barn at a trot that was no faster than leaving the barn. Then she took me even further, at the trot, and broke into a canter, a nice comfortable 'I'm going someplace' canter down the road. And I went with her. My intention: have it feel really, really wonderful between us, that sweet feeling, when she was taking me someplace with all that forward, willing energy.

Ah, a piece of heaven. And I'm soooo proud of myself for not getting greedy, not asking her for more than she offered. When she wanted to slow, I was with her and we slowed together and stopped at my request, and proceeded at my request. Together. From a release to motion not from a push to go.

This has been an illusive dream for years. Illusive because nobody before had explained it to me such that I could 'get it' and play around with it. Illusive because at least with some horses I have been able to go out and ride without having to figure out what changes I needed to make to have this dream come true. I feel really good about this. Really good.

I'm working toward this with Rusty, too. And will do this with Sofia, Prince, Bo, Soli. Oh, honestly, will I really do this with Soli? He's my point and shoot horse -- I can ride him anywhere with so little effort! But yeah, I'll offer this to him as well as I value his collaboration, too. I owe it to him for all the goodness he offers despite our human deficits!

I don't know yet how this will carry over to a trail ride with another horse and rider for example. I don't know yet how this will carry over to when someone else rides my horse(s). I don't know yet how I will integrate this into my teaching. It is so much a different approach than all the miriad ways to apply pressure. I am so excited about this, deep in my belly.


Update from above after today's ride (I've added astericks in the above text).
* Today's ride on Kacee was 15 minutes and we went further than we did yesterday. She let go of her barn choice much sooner than yesterday.
** Today she was responding to my squeezing the rein with a couple of fingers like she had when I lifted the rein a couple of inches.

I also rode Prince today, and Rusty. Rusty made some changes quickly, and seems to enjoy climbing! We have other steep inclines and he thinks nothing of taking off up or down them. I'm learning something I've wanted to learn -- how to ride with a horse cantering down a steep incline. :-)

Prince was fun and taught me something important. When I get to feeling I need to pull, that is because the horse doesn't really understand left and right. When I think I need to get firm with my legs or such, that means the horse doesn't understand forward. I spent as much time working on left and right and go with Prince as anything. He's more ready to go new places, to leave the barn door, however he told me today how little he knows about turning and moving out in harmony with the rider. I think this was the third time I've ever ridden him. He has so much to offer and I know much of the brace against 'let's go' got cleared up. The left and right needs more time. I did pull on him today contrary to my intention. I should have dealt with left and right in the arena where wandering out into the road or off across the lawn would not be an option. That is when I pulled, when I wanted to prevent some trouble. My bad. Thank heavens I get another try!


Up to the barn from the gate ...




Down to the gate from the drive ...




Up to the peacock pen from the gate ...




The road where Kacee took me at the canter...

Big and Little

I rode Ms. Big and Mr. Little the other evening. RNB came home and I asked him to take some pictures. Here we are. Can you tell which horse is which?






RNB with the camera was like a magnet for the horses. Admittedly most of the pictures captured us in the start of a turn away from where he stood. These came out well though -- and in honor of my blogging friend who purposely displays her mistakes -- I will point out that I've got my eyes turned downward in most of the pictures, including these two. I know I was looking to see when the horse's eye came around the turn I was asking for. Someday I would like to feel that without looking. Feel that and trust what I'm feeling. I wait for the eye to come around the turn so I'm releasing for the mind coming with the turn, not just the feet coming into a turn. I can see on one horse that I've asked for a right turn and the horse has not yet responded by putting slack back into the rein. Which horse is that?

I reviewed some pics from the winter. Boy oh boy -- Mr. Little aka Bo sure does change from season to season regarding the amount of hair he carries!






Bo's weight is good. The supplement I feed (check link to Balanced Equine Nutrition if you like) and maybe his changed mental attitude is helping him keep some meat on his bones. I'd like to find a very handy youngster who want a pony like Bo. Then I would have room here to take in another horse-in-need. Or then I would have time to ride the 'other' horses more!

Burned

I loved this house. It held dear memories. When I sold it, I took those memories with me, disengaged them from the actual setting. Slowly as I cleaned it and mowed the lawn and managed some fixing up projects, I said my thank yous and my good byes.

That was last summer. Earlier this spring, there was a fire there, and much was damaged. I went by recently to see the changes. I felt no pangs, thankfully, but curiosity about transformation by fire. It is weird. I love that the blueberry bushes are flourishing!

Fun with Fhaltair

I barter. Most frequently I barter hair cuts and horsemanship lessons. I get the hair cuts, she gets the horsemanship. We both like this arrangement.

Today I spent time "training" Fhaltair, her daughter's Hanovarian yearling. He's such a doll. Not really a looker, still got that gangly kid look about him. But a doll in all other aspects. Willing, calm, attentive. Comfortable going with me, comfortable blowing me off now and then. He seems to live in a learning frame of mind, oh, about 94% of the time. Naw, that's an underestimate. I'd say 99.9% of the time. He doesn't get upset about much of anything. He will start thinking about the grass instead of me, but it's not regular and hey, I can handle the fact that the grass is more interesting sometimes than I am!

He's for sale by the way. If you are interested, let me know. I get nothing for mentioning this, other than knowing I'm helping a nice horse find a nice home, and helping some nice people manage their lives with less stress.



Checking out the baggie. I was told he was exposed to the baggie before in an effort to make him move out. He was worried about it at first.



I'm checking out if he can stand still while I pet him and walk around him. He wanted to follow me or walk off at first but quickly understood that it felt good to just stand there.




Ground driving or long lining.




Example of when he was more interested in the grass!

Growing confirmed

I just rode Sofia. One of many vets I now consult with depending on the need, recommended I ride her at the walk now, in case some of her ongoing lameness is due to scar tissue within her foot that needs to break up. So I rode. First time on her for months. Parts of it felt like we are in a better place than before. Parts felt like things were worse. Forward is better. Steering is worse. I took my time so I could monitor what I am doing, thinking about her response coming before I pick up the reins, and if not then, looking for it immediately, and if not then, helping her by my waiting for her to come off the rein by rearranging her body, or sometimes by my sensing her getting ready to rearrange her body. About 20 minutes of a ride and ended on a good note. Torsion treeless saddle, lead rope attached to web halter, carrying bridle and bit without reins. What is the growing confirmed about? Sofia had some very definite ideas about being bridled. Is she telling me she doesn't like it? Maybe so. Will that keep me from being clear, helping her find the soft place between us? No. And that includes finding the soft place while bridling. The vet who is coming the week after next will assess taking Sofia's wolf teeth out. That might be a concern with wearing a bit. Or it might not. I can't tell 100% or not. She's had such intrusions to her mouth lately that I don't know which if any is most disturbing to her. Bleh. Some days I wish there was an easy way to get things done. Maybe I should say I wish I had more skill and confidence in my choices of how to get something done!

In any case, I love that horse and enjoyed this short ride. Now for perhaps a longer ride on someone else. Your guess is as good as mine who it will be!

Reflections from January

I can think on my feet at times. Other times it takes hours, days, weeks, months for some thoughts to come clear.

In January I had an exchange with a friend about my Morgan mare, Kacee.

Me to she:
I wonder why I am so likely to disregard her feelings and ask her to go places she'd rather not.

She to me:
This is really interesting. I wonder, too. I think I do this too annnnd I think it ties in with some of my questions about why I ride ...[my horse]... the way I do and why you ride different horses the way you do. Maybe you should describe her and that will give clues.

Me to myself:
How would I describe Kacee? She's attentive, certain, opinionated, herd leader. She's delightfully responsive when in her comfort zone, incredibly strong survival instinct kicks in when she is out of her comfort zone. She sticks around when I fall off. She walks off more often than not when I approach her with halter in hand. She stands still for saddling, bridling, mounting. I can ride her without a bridle or reins and she understands forward, left, right, stop and back from my body, but gets a little too excited to listen when we're trotting or cantering this way. She has tolerated all sorts of "natural horsemanship" approaches that I have studied and applied to her, so she must have a big question mark when I show up -- what is she going to ask of me now and how? She is first to the food, but will wait for me to step aside before she comes in for hay after I've reminded her to wait. She has lovely walk and trot to ride; her canter is fast. Her hind legs are crooked as are her hind feet. She has protected me from Rusty when he was young and rowdy and I was vulnerable and helpless. Like trot right over and bite him on the withers to move him away from me.

Clues to why I don't listen to her well? To why I overexpose her frequently? To why I'm impatient to just get on her and go someplace?

Months later, I find pieces of the answer. As with many things, the actual facts of it are simple. I am thinking and reacting, not being present and responsive in the here and now. Instead of assessing who she is right now and what she needs for support and proceeding from there, I approach her with expectations based on the past (my past with her and my past with all relationships) and lay those expectations like a tinted translucent film over our experience.

When I am without that film, I can see what she is telling me and help her, right now, to feel better about what we're doing, right now, and then carry on to explore other things, right now, together and with some harmony instead of me pushing, she resisting. It has to be feeling good or else I'm forcing my ideas on her. I want to influence what we do together, and that requires me first to influence her mental and emotional state so she is open to do something together with me, and some day (which might be in two minutes or two months) she will want to do something together with me. And I want to be present, right now, whenever this happens. Not bound up mentally thinking about something else, missing another moment with this powerhouse of equine delight.

Here and Now

Some of us value being in the here and now just as it is. Some of us tolerate, even rejoice, in the here and now that we find moment to moment. Some of us want to be in the here and now later, as soon as ... the rain stops, the elbow stops hurting, the new well is paid for...

The here and now is here and now. It is not later. We have the ability to think we are in the here and now however we are only thinking that. Thinking about being is a step separated from being without thinking. How many of us have memory of this state? How many of us are familiar with it? How many of us can recover it at will? How many of us do not really know that this Here and Now thing might have great value?

Our horses live in the here and now. Yes, they have memories of what happened in the past, and if we establish a habit around them, they can anticipate the future. But they are 100% grounded in the here and now, by birth and unalterable by us, even when they have a memory or an anticipation. And in order to connect with them, in order to actually see what is Here and Now with them, we need to be here, now.

An exchange with Mark Rashid got me thinking more about this. He said "truth is negotiable" and asked if I agreed. At first I did not. That led to my seeking a shared understanding of what "truth" means, and also what "negotiable" means. I had an inaccurate interpretation of "negotiable" which included elements of "compromise", so once that cleared up, I was able to agree. Some key part of the exchange referred to when person A is doing X, and person B, not present with A at the moment of A's doing X, believes A is doing Y. So A's perception of the truth (I'm doing X) is different from B's perception of the truth (A is doing Y), but both perceptions are understood subjectively by each as 'the truth'.

After looking at how one truth is actually what is happening and the other is a (mis)interpretation of the actual facts, it became clear that indeed truth is negotiable.

I still have trouble with the word 'negotiable'. It troubles me because I have thought it refers to when two people each have to give up something in order to agree. I prefer the model that two people can each gain something in creating agreement or accord. My friend RW helped me open my thinking as I substitute "compromise" to reflect the meaning I had for "negotiate".

Listening to Mark I caught a picture of not just how it is between two people in general, but how it is between teacher and student of horsemanship, and in line with the concept of parallel process, how it is between human and horse.

The horse would be like person A, and reflecting the actual facts or truth of the situation. The human is B, who has an interperative story about the actual facts, which distorts those facts to some degree and hence distorts the emotional and behavioral response to the actual facts.

It shows up in terms of a horse in pain for example. How many times have you seen a horse who looks off from unsoundness or saddle fit or something else? And the owner/rider has managed to hide those facts from consciousness for whatever important reasons. Meanwhile, the human's perceptions do not reflect the actual facts, or in this case, the horse's truth.

This can apply to emotional issues as well. The actual facts may be that the horse is in pain and cannot give 100%. Horse and person A's perceptions coincide with reality. Person B's perception, based on a misinterpretation of the actual facts -- horse is not giving 100% -- might foster the thought that the horse is lazy, or perhaps the horse is sneaky, trying to get out of work.

With whose truth do you want to be in alignment?

Influenced by Libby Lyman and my horses

I have become increasingly aware of how quickly I get defensive, and when I get defensive I get tense, critical, pushy, distrusting. Or perhaps when I start feeling distrusting, I get defensive, critical, tense... In any case, I am intent on getting below and beyond this reactivity in me. Even to the point of inviting RNB to tell me when he feels I'm being critical. Sometimes I cannot tell because a degree of criticism is sometimes hidden in my 'good intentions' and my 'advice giving'. It is tricky business, the line between 'let's do what I want to do because my idea is better', and 'let's do what I want to do because your idea is worse.' I sure know that someone can say the former and I hear the latter.

I was told years ago that my Rusty horse feels criticized most of the time. I was not gracious hearing that and in fact became defensive and critical of the speaker of that truth. My reaction interrupted a budding friendship. That is sad.

Meanwhile, Rusty has not had the same freedom as that person had -- Rusty cannot walk away. Well, he CAN walk away, but not far because I have fences keeping him here. But there are other ways he could 'walk away' -- mentally and emotionally -- and as time passes and I become more aware, he shows less interest in walking away. For his benefit and for the benefit of my relationship with this amazing horse, I am deeply compelled to unravel this burden I carry and inadvertantly share with all beings in my vicinity.

Yesterday I made huge gains, at least in my assessment. I'd say based on Rusty's changes, in his assessment, too.

What does this have to do with Libby Lyman? She taught a clinic last weekend in Maine at Piper Ridge Farm. I kept hearing about and seeing how to set it up so the horse finds the answer and hence can feel good about -- and OWN -- the lesson learned. This is NOT what happens when I help out. This is NOT what happens when I say a lot of 'yes, good' to the horse. It IS what happens when I breathe and wait and watch and give him time to come to his own conclusions about what works or what doesn't.

Yesterday it was about bridling. Rusty and I have a long history of controversy about bridling and the past few years, it's been relatively easy to bridle him and carry on with my plans to ride him, in the arena or on a trail. But before yesterday, I never stopped long enough to help him find a way to help me with the bridling. I have, in so many relatively clear and gentle ways, been using pressure and release as best I understood it, to show him the answer, ie,. show him where to hold his head so I can bridle him easily.

In the process of doing this exercise in patience and clarity, I learned more -- like the horse, for myself finding the answsers opposed to being told by a teacher -- about the timing of asking for something else and the meaning of feeling good together.

The asking for something else is NOT me telling him what I'm asking for. That is so tricky for me because Rusty is attentive and willing enough at this point to do just about anything I ever ask of him. This might be why I can take this next step. So, he will do anything I ask, and with very light cues on my part, a shift of my weight, a gentle lift or squeeze of a rein, a clear thought about stepping to the left while my body steps to the left and he's there with me. It has become like a very pleasant dance and indeed it has been personal growth for me to become the leader of the dance. After all, I'm a sensitive new age woman, and I know how to follow like a wisp of smoke, no dragging me around the dance floor is needed!

So here I was a few days ago, on one level so pleased that I can ride Rusty out on the trail alone, without the comfort of another horse for him, mostly soft and responsive, and on another level recognizing that we're out there because I want us to be and Rusty is comfortable being submissive to my requests. Indeed this IS progress, but is it really what I want? That lingering feeling that if I stopped this subtle asking over and over again, he'd turn and head back to the barn without a thought.

Then the weekend around Libby and it hits home again and again, all the little ways I'm pushing and pulling on my horse. Yes, sometimes they are big ways but mostly little ways. But it's still pushing and pulling! I am starting to recognize the difference, and I'm certain Rusty has known the difference all along but all the other factors in our relationship have finally added up to a solid 'getting along'.

I want more. I want this horse (and every horse!) to know he has a choice and to believe in his horsey mind that he is choosing on his own, that he is checking this option and that option and finding the most right choice in his mind, which happens to be the one that suits me, too.

There is something very simple behind all this complexity. It's about feeling good. It's about zero pressure for the horse. How many times have I heard that! However the more I recognize the core importance of finding a zero pressure spot for myself, the more I can recognize how important it is for the horses. But so many, many layers of the onion skin have to be peeled away to find this vulnerability, this sensitivity, this place where true responsiveness is felt, allowed, honored. And it's only when I find it in my own experience that I can own it, and offer it to others.

Drafts

Ok, I am not talking about a type of horse!

I am talking about the partially formed blog entries that I have accumulated. Seven in the past couple of weeks.

I get a compelling idea and start to write, then other priorities take me away. I don't know when I'll get back to these other ideas, but their essences are not eluding me. It's a matter of good timing. I do have time to write this much today!

Portrait of Sofia

Recently I learned from a friend that she had done a portrait of Sofia based on a photo from June 2006 time in TN with Harry Whitney and friends. She has given me permission to put it here on my blog. This is a digital picture of the original drawing.



I am amazed at her talent, and her interest in Sofia as a subject. And pleased! Of course I am partial to this horse, and enjoy being reminded of our time with Harry last year.

She can do consignment work -- contact info:

Kathy D. Baker
Follow Your Bliss Farm
Midway TN
kindredspirit58@comcast.net